I absolutely love Celebrity Traitors. The accusations, the suspicious looks, the wildly confident theories that turn out to be complete rubbish. But the Celebrity Traitors 2026 quotes deserve their own round of applause. Sometimes someone says something so ridiculous that I barely notice who’s being murdered.
So I’ve gathered memorable lines from all 21 contestants. Some are funny. Some are revealing. Others really should have stayed inside the speaker’s head.
Spoilers ahead for episodes broadcast through 23 October 2026. Quotes from Celebrity Traitors: Uncloaked are marked below.
Find quotes by cast member
Richard E. Grant: honesty wasn’t the best policy
“What’s the point in being in the game if you’re not one?”
Richard said this while openly discussing being a Traitor. In a game where concealing that information is fairly central to the job.
Richard, we wanted you there until the end. We wanted weeks of theatrical nonsense. You gave everyone the answer before they’d finished reading the question.
And when Rob Beckett tried to investigate, Richard produced another gem:
“Do you have more teeth than a normal person?”
An extraordinary change of subject. Under interrogation? Start counting the detective’s teeth.
Jerry Hall: a very particular shade of suspicious
“His face is redder than a fox’s arse at gooseberry time.”
Jerry’s assessment of James Blunt. An accusation, a wildlife observation and a seasonal reference, all in one sentence.
I have no idea what the official colour chart looks like, but I’d like to see it. Jerry could make a conversation about facial circulation sound like something that needed its own television series.
Sharon Rooney: detective work on a budget
“Poundland Poirot on the case.”
Sharon’s description of herself as she investigated the perfume bottle.
A brilliant nickname. No expensive moustache wax. No first-class carriage on the Orient Express. Just get in there and have a look.
This is exactly the sort of line that makes me want to reach for a pencil.
James Acaster: an unfortunate time to yawn
“Sorry Ross, am I boring you?”
James said this during the murder-in-plain-sight setup, when Ross yawned. A small question with rather significant consequences.
Usually, a yawn suggests someone needs a coffee. In this castle, it might mean they need to pack.
James manages to sound like a man apologising for a disappointing anecdote while participating in something considerably less polite.
Joanne McNally: a small clarification
“It was horrible, it was… I mean I wasn’t there.”
Joanne was discussing the murder challenge despite not having taken part in it. That last bit became quite important.
Nothing reassures a room full of suspicious people like suddenly remembering that you weren’t at the scene.
I can practically hear the pencils coming out.
James Blunt: a professional reassessment
“I am a musician not a detective.”
James reached this conclusion as the game left him confused.
An honest appraisal. Somewhere, a careers adviser nodded.
There’s something reassuring about watching a successful person discover that their transferable skills have limits. You can sell millions of records and still struggle to work out who’s lying over breakfast.
Maya Jama: managing Richard
“An unhinged uncle running wild in the castle.”
Maya’s description of Richard E. Grant. It’s difficult to improve on that.
Every family has someone who needs supervising after the second drink. Maya appeared to have inherited hers as a colleague.
She also had this assessment of another player:
“Bella, you’re a genius but you’ve got to go.”
A compliment with an unusually severe consequence.
Michael Sheen: spotting the accidental insult
“So you’re saying she’s not a phenomenal actress?”
Michael’s response after Joe Lycett argued that Julie Hesmondhalgh would have to be a phenomenal actress to fool him as a Traitor.
Joe was attempting to defend her. Michael spotted the small professional insult concealed inside the compliment.
This is why you should rehearse your supportive statements before delivering them in front of actors.
Miranda Hart: declining her murder
“No, absolutely not. Bottoms. I knew it.”
Miranda’s reaction to discovering that the Traitors had murdered her.
I admire the opening refusal. As though the letter might be a request and she could politely opt out.
“Bottoms” also feels like an appropriate response to most disappointing correspondence. Council tax. Parking fines. Murder notices.
Ross Kemp: doing the heavy lifting
“Using me like a donkey.”
Ross’s description of how the Traitors were treating him.
That was all the encouragement I needed to start thinking about a drawing.
A man can only endure so much suspicion before he starts questioning whether he’s here to solve a murder or pull a cart.
Romesh Ranganathan: knowing someone inside out
“I know Rob very, very well. I mean, I’ve sat next to him as he’s had a colonic.”
Romesh explaining the depth of his friendship with Rob Beckett in the opening episode.
Source: BBC reporting via AOL.
Most people would mention holidays together. Perhaps meeting the family. Romesh went straight to the supporting medical evidence.
You’d hope that level of intimacy would help you spot a lie. At the very least, it should get you a decent birthday present.
Rob Beckett: a generous description of Richard’s plan
“Bold strategy from a Faithful.”
Rob’s assessment while questioning Richard about his behaviour.
“Bold” is doing a lot of work there.
It’s the sort of word you use when someone has made a decision so baffling that you need another few seconds to work out how rude you’re prepared to be.
Joe Lycett: choosing not to hear it
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”
Joe’s response to Richard revealing that he was a Traitor.
An incredibly generous offer, considering the entire purpose of the programme.
Later, Joe supplied a line that made his own situation worse:
“If you banish me tonight, they will have to recruit again.”
His attempt to explain the game gave the round table another reason to suspect him. Sometimes the explanation needs its own defence lawyer.
King Kenny: settling into the new job
“The Faithfuls are doomed!”
Kenny’s reaction after joining the Traitors.
Some people need a settling-in period. A tour of the office. Someone to explain the printer.
Kenny appeared to have completed his induction immediately.
Professor Hannah Fry: the missing calculation
“And I calculated every conceivable scenario, except for the one that actually unfolded.”
Hannah said this when revealing her role after banishment.
An excellent reminder that people are considerably less cooperative than numbers.
You can prepare the spreadsheet, examine the probabilities and account for every sensible possibility. Then a room full of celebrities does something else entirely.
Leigh-Anne Pinnock: feet firmly on the ground
“I’ve handled fame. I’ve handled pressure. My head isn’t in the clouds actually.”
Leigh-Anne’s response after a challenge presented her as a possible answer to the question of whose head was in the clouds.
Fair enough. Nothing makes a supposedly light-hearted questionnaire less light-hearted than discovering your colleagues have been filling it in about you.
Bella Ramsey: seeing it coming
“Oh yes. Thought this might be occurring.”
Bella’s reaction to receiving their murder notice.
Remarkably composed. That’s how I’d like to react when something goes wrong, rather than repeatedly opening the same email in the hope it might change.
A quiet line, but the understatement makes it.
Sebastian “Bash” Croft: the secret superfan
“I’m the biggest fan of this show, which no-one here knows.”
Bash revealed this in his diary-room commentary early in the series.
Source: BBC reporting via AOL.
A useful secret to keep. Announce that you know every previous series and people might expect you to solve the whole thing before lunch.
Much better to sit quietly and let everyone else explain their theories first.
Amol Rajan: a brutally short visit
“It’s game over, it’s gutting to be the first out.”
Amol’s reaction to becoming the first player murdered in the series.
Not every memorable quote is a joke. This one captures the disappointment of preparing for something enormous and barely getting started.
All that anticipation. Then you’re looking for your suitcase.
Myha’la: discovering the truth on Uncloaked
“I can’t breathe — it’s Maya, dammit!”
From Celebrity Traitors: Uncloaked: Myha’la’s reaction when she discovered Maya was a Traitor.
Watching someone find out is almost a separate sport.
We’ve been sitting at home with all the answers. They’ve been trying to solve it using breakfast conversations and someone looking slightly uncomfortable near a croissant.
Julie Hesmondhalgh: another vote of confidence for Maya
“Nobody will guess that.”
From Celebrity Traitors: Uncloaked: Julie said this after learning that Maya was a Traitor.
A short sentence that says quite a lot about Maya’s performance.
It also sums up the difference between watching the programme and being inside it. From the sofa, every clue looks enormous. In the castle, apparently, they’re considerably smaller.
Which Celebrity Traitors quote deserves a card?
Some of these lines practically come with an illustration attached. Others would need a very large card and a particularly forgiving printer.
That’s part of what I love about the show. A suspicious glance, an unnecessary confession or Ross Kemp comparing himself to a donkey can send me off drawing something completely ridiculous.
If you haven’t had enough of the Traitors, have a look at my illustrated Celebrity Traitors Christmas cards. The festive wording on those is my own, inspired by the programme.
For Jerry, I’ve turned that spirit of questionable detective work into my own festive joke, rather than a quote from the show.
Jerry Hall holds a bottle of sherry in one hand and a lipstick up to her face in the other. My Christmas card reads: “LIPSTICK AFTER MIDNIGHT? TRAITOR. SIX SHERRIES BEFORE LUNCH? FAITHFUL.”
Shop the Jerry Hall Christmas card.
And if you think I’ve missed a better line, leave a comment with who said it and the episode. I’m always interested in another excuse to draw someone looking suspicious.
View all the Celebrity Traitors Christmas cards.
Written and illustrated by Simon Stratford. Follow @itsmesimonok on Instagram for more drawings and card ideas.
Shop all 12 Celebrity Traitors Christmas cards
Shop all 12 Celebrity Traitors Christmas cards and find your favourite funny, illustrated Christmas card.